I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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