I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Randomize
