the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Randomize
