not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Randomize
