i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
