I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
