yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
