That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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