Your tits are I can't wait for
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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