Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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