fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
