I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
