I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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