My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
