Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize