so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
