Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
