just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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