I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
My breath smells like gin and sadness
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize