I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
