Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
