He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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