Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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