I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
