I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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