Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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