Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
