did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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