I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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