he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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