I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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