Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
