Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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