Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize