You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
