Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
