Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
