Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
