Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
