Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
