last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
We need to rekindle our bromance
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
