My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
