party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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