I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
