I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
