uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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