That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
