clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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