found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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