he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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