I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
