there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
