if only i could text you this smell
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Randomize