whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
