i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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