youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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