my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Just invented taco cereal.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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