sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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