what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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