dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
