:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
