And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
