I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
