you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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