holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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