Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
