My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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