The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
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