Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
