At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
