I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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