i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize