I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
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