u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
