I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
