Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
