I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
