You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize