Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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