I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
