She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
