I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize