is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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