I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
