she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
