I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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