Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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