his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
