ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
