Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
