We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
