Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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