I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
