Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Randomize