I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Damn victory sex feels great
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
