i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I seem to have left my pride at pride
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
