He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
