it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
How does it feel to date your dad?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
