If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
