If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
