I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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