I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Randomize
