If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
