Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
