What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Randomize
