cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
