I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
