I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Randomize
