He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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