I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Sober January is a disaster.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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